Portrait of Alissa with plants in the background.

Is Your Self-Worth Blocking You From What You Want?

inspiration Aug 17, 2020

You’re out to lunch with girlfriends when one of your friends compliments you on the shirt you’re wearing. How do you respond?

Do you simply accept the compliment? “Thank you so much!”

Do you ignore the compliment? “Hah, yeah… gosh, it’s so hot out today!”

Do you reject the compliment? “Oh yeah, it’s just an old shirt… it’s nothing special!”

How about receiving gifts? Are you simply grateful to receive a nice gift from someone? Or do you feel guilty when someone gets you something nice? Do you feel like you need to do extra for them now?

What about when it comes to treating yourself? Do you allow yourself to indulge in nice clothes, facials, or manicures once in a while? Or are you all about budgeting, shopping on clearance, and always being sensible with spending?

Your ability to receive… whether it’s a compliment; a gift; self-care… comes down to how worthy you feel of receiving good things. When we struggle to receive, it’s because, deep down, we feel like we aren’t deserving of those things.

This is a problem if you want to live a life you love because, if you don’t feel worthy, you’ll always subconsciously block yourself from receiving the things you truly want. When we don’t actually believe we’re worthy, our energy reflects that. While, God/Spirit/The Universe knows you’re inherently worthy of everything you desire, if you don’t believe that yourself, you’ll continue to self-sabotage.

I Believed I Had To Prove My Worthiness By Achieving

In a session with my therapist the other day, I shared with her how I often feel this pressure to always be achieving; always be doing. I sometimes run myself ragged with this need because I won’t rest until I’ve accomplished what I want. While big goals are great, being this intense about things isn’t always great for a highly sensitive person.

In response to my statement, my therapist asked me, “Why do you think you need to achieve all of the time? Where does that stem from?”

I already had some clarity on the answer to this question since I’ve done some inner child work with my holistic doctor.

“I’ve just always felt like a difficult person,” I said to her. “I used to have health issues when I was a kid – I always had ear infections; I had a seizure once. I was always moody, emotional, and just… difficult to deal with. I feel bad for being so emotional, so I maybe try to make up for it.”

My therapist said, “Those sound like very normal things to me, Alissa. Those aren’t anything out of the ordinary for a child and their parents to be dealing with. You were just more sensitive than others. There are a lot of wonderful things that come along with being emotional, you know. I’ll bet you’re a pretty compassionate and empathetic person. That’s a great thing!”

Childhood wounds run deep. Here I am blogging about the beauty of sensitivity, yet I’m still holding onto this idea that my sensitivity makes me a more “difficult” person; therefore I need to achieve extra in order to be a “worthy” human being. Whew. That’s a little heavy!

I have a sense that other sensitive people likely have a wound similar to me. Maybe it doesn’t look exactly the same, but I’ll bet we have something in common with this feeling of needing to overcompensate to be worthy of love because we believed we were a pain to deal with.

And remember what we said about worthiness? If we don’t feel worthy, we’ll subconsciously block ourselves from receiving all of the gifts life has to offer.

I Learn To Receive When I Act Worthy Of All Good Things

My “homework” from my therapist was to take more time for self-care. I nodded my head, agreed, and thought, ‘Yeah, I’m not sure I’ll do that. I still have so many things to do this week.’ It’s hard to overcome worthiness issues in just a few sessions, right?

Well, the Universe is always conspiring to help us become the highest version of ourselves. We’re constantly being sent opportunities to learn and grow so we can overcome our past issues to become more whole, happy humans. As long as we’re available to receive those lessons, we have the opportunity for meaningful growth. A lesson in worthiness came for me in the form of my best friends.

It was Friday evening and I was planning our takeout dinner order when I suddenly received a message in a group text with my bridesmaids. It was a photo that said “Alissa’s Virtual Bachelorette Party!” with a full itinerary for the next day. I screeched, “Oh my gosh!” and look up at Matt. He was filming me and smiling.

My friends had planned an entire day for me. A day for me to simply feel special and loved and taken care of. They wanted me to relax and enjoy myself. What a gift! And what a lesson for me to get good at receiving; to feel completely worthy of receiving a gift just because.

So, I allowed myself to fully enjoy my day. I sipped champagne at my manicure appointment and decided to get a pedicure, too, because, why not? I practiced the self-care my therapist had recommended me.

It was just a reminder that I don’t have to achieve amazing things for my friends to love me; or for anyone to love me. Just by being me, I am worthy and enough. Just by showing my love, care, and appreciation for others and for life; I receive it in return.

If Receiving Is Hard For You, Take Some Baby Steps

If you have a difficult time receiving compliments; treating yourself; practicing self-care… I invite you to dig below the surface. Where might this be stemming from? Why do you think you wouldn’t be deserving of this? Journal on it. Ask questions. Get real with yourself.

Check out this article to dive deeper into worthiness and self-limiting beliefs.

All of us are inherently worthy just because… well, we are. And when you learn how to get better at receiving, you unleash the floodgates of abundance your way. Because when you graciously receive, the Universe sends more to you. In the energy of receiving, you’re grateful, happy, and you’re sending the signal that you’ll gleefully take more.

With love,