portrait of Alissa wearing a cowboy hat.

How To Become More Confident And Magnetic

inspiration Aug 24, 2020

Some of the most magnetic, confident people I know aren’t, by society’s standards, the most successful or attractive or impressive, per se. But they have this level of self-acceptance and confidence that draws people to them.

They laugh easily and make friends everywhere they go. When they speak, you really want to listen. Honestly, you hope their sparkly energy rubs off on you. You can tell they really like who they are and it’s intriguing. Because while everyone else is busy trying to be someone else; a person who’s truly comfortable with themselves stands out. It’s magnetic.

A truly confident person isn’t boastful. They don’t try hard to make you like them. They aren’t looking to impress you with all the cool things they have, the trips they’ve taken, or how much money they make. A confident person just genuinely likes themselves. They’re unbothered by whether you like them or not because they’re secure with who they are.

I think it’s fair to say that this is the type of confidence everyone wants, yet, it’s something so many of us struggle with. True self-confidence often feels like this elusive level we hope to one day reach but aren’t really sure how to get there.

Well, I have some ideas about this; about how we can start getting more into that sparkly, confident, magnetic energy. To me, it comes from being in full congruency and acceptance of who you are.

Self-Confidence Comes From Fully Embracing Yourself

Like I said, some of the most confident people I’ve met weren’t the people you’d think, on paper, would be the most confident. I’ve also met very attractive and successful people who were totally insecure and lacking confidence.

What this tells me, is that confidence comes from within. It doesn’t have anything to do with external markers of success or looking a certain way. It comes from a comfortability with yourself just as you are.

There’s a saying that goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.” When I think of this saying in terms of self-confidence, I think of how we can’t succeed our way to confidence. No matter where we go, externally, if we haven’t accepted ourselves internally, we’ll never be fully satiated.

So, why do we have a hard time accepting ourselves as we are?

As children, we’re full of confidence and self-love. We don’t know another way of being. You always hear little kids saying things like, “I’m the best!” and “I win!” and “I’m strong!” Like, they’re just happy to be themselves because no one’s told them any differently.

But somewhere along the way, as we grow up, we start collecting data from the people around us. Maybe we get told in school that we aren’t very smart. Maybe we start getting made fun of for our appearance. Maybe our parents give us a hard time about being too loud or emotional. Maybe we see our friend get praised for being pretty, while we get told we’re “cute”. Maybe our family couldn’t afford much, which made us feel insecure.

These experiences begin to chip away at our inherent self-acceptance because we’re beginning to receive feedback that the way we naturally are isn’t okay; it isn’t “good enough”. We start getting the idea that maybe we need to fix those parts of ourselves so that we can be more likable.

We look to others, the ones who society has “accepted” and we try to morph ourselves to be more like them. But in the process of taking bits and pieces from others, we’re abandoning who we truly are. In doing this, we subconsciously send ourselves the message that our natural way of being isn’t good enough. Thus, making us feel insecure to the core.

An Inner Child Exercise To Cultivate Greater Self-Love And Acceptance

In order to really begin embracing and loving who we are, It’s important to bring it back to childhood. As I said, little kids are naturally confident and filled with self-love. We were once that way, too. Who were you before you got the (wrong) idea that you weren’t enough?

Close your eyes and visualize yourself as a 6-year-old.

Picture yourself with your cute little haircut; wearing your favorite outfit. Envision yourself in your childhood home. Look back at yourself with compassion and sweetness; the pure innocence of this little being who knows nothing better than to love themselves.

Look into the eyes of this little version of you. What would you tell 6-year-old you? I’ll bet you’d only have kind words to say. I’ll bet you really appreciate your creative soul; your adventurous spirit; your loud, off-key singing; all those freckles on your cheeks. Just take some time to really appreciate what makes this little version of you so special and unique.

Now, remember that this 6-year-old still lives inside of you. They never left; we just turned our back as we grew, morphed, and adopted from society. Those same endearing, quirky traits are what make you so unique and special today.

How can you honor that bold, little version of you? How can you let them lead the way in your life again?

If you want to take this a step further, I recommend doing mirror work.

After doing the inner child visualization, find a mirror where you can be undisturbed for a while.

Look yourself directly in the eye and say, “I love you. I’m sorry I ever abandoned you. I’m sorry I didn’t accept you.” Feel free to say anything else that you need to hear. Say it over and over until you feel it moving you emotionally.

If you’ve never done mirror work, this may sound a little funky, but there’s something so powerful about being fully present and loving with yourself in this way. It builds a bridge of self-love within yourself again.

Finally, I want you to write down one thing you love about yourself each day. Try to make it something different each day. Make it a practice to really love and appreciate the things that make you so beautiful, special, and unique.

With these practices, confidence begins to flow. It feels good to feel good. When we’re no longer fighting with our true nature, we can live in comfortable congruence with who we’re here to be. It’s a beautiful freedom — freedom to be ourselves; freedom to truly live.

With love,